NEW BLOG!

So for the summer, I'll be blogging on a new blog: http://www.summerslumber.blogspot.com

Check it out :)

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope that the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

May 7th, 2011

It's been about six months since I've posted. So much has happened. Life changes every day. What we knew when we wake up in the morning, changes by the time we have lunch. The world moves swiftly and it's hard to keep up with.

Yesterday, my Opa passed away. I wish I had words to explain the emotions. I won't even try to convey what a wonderful man, person, friend, grandfather, father, and husband my Opa was. I don't think even the most beautifully harmonized words could do justice to him. So I won't try.

I do know that for the first time in my life, I feel truly lost. And heartbroken. And empty. Someone who has been so much a part in the making of your character is now gone. I'm scared, and I can feel that everyone around me is too. In the next couple of days my Opa will be mourned by many friends and buried by his family. I know that the excruciating pain we will all endure tomorrow will only be followed by the hollow feeling that we have to overcome for the rest of our lives. I can only hope that if there is a God, he will give me and my family the strength we need to get through these next 48 hours and the endless weeks to follow. If not, we'll get through it anyways.

My Opa has taught me how to attack life with energy, laughter and strength. I say attack, because that's how he did things. I can only hope to be half of the person he was and to live my life as fully as his body would let him. I will laugh from my heart. I will meet people with enthusiasm. I will make a lasting impression with everyone. I will wonder. I will learn. I will be strong when I think I can not. I will be proud of who I am. I will be loving and compassionate. I will work hard. I will be the best possible person I can be, because that's who my Opa was, and that's who is forever apart of me.

Another ramble, another gamble...

I think sometimes I get so caught up in myself that I get a little off kilter. It's time to get back and track. Even though I know how to be alone, it gets lonely. But, sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves and make a choice to be happy.

8)

I think, I'll be okay.

Eve Ensler

Okay With It

So the Summer is almost over and I feel change in the air again. I went into this Summer expecting so much change and wonderful, exciting things but I think I've sort of realised that maybe my change, was NOT changing. I needed to have some sort of consistency, something to remind myself of the path that I'm trying to be on. It's so incredibly cliche to say "I have a path that I'm supposed to take, but I just don't where it's going to take me" and all that other bullshit nonsense. But by nothing life-altering happening to me this Summer, I had to look within and sort of just (as awful as it might sound) deal with myself. Handle, me. And I'm coming out of this Summer with fresh and exciting eyes, ready for whatever is next. I may not have found inner peace (if there is such a thing) and I may not have been swept off my feet but I did enjoy happy moments when they came to me, cried when I needed to, laughed when I wanted to, and daydreamed because I could. So that will have to be enough for me right now, and I'm totally okay with it. I don't know what's next, if it's change or things staying the same--leading into an easy Fall or an exciting Winter. Who knows. I don't feel ready, because I don't think I have to be ready. I'm just being.