I feel like I haven't really laughed in a long time. Sure, I've had moments where I was laughing and smiling and seemingly enjoying the light-hearted moment. But, I feel like as soon as that fleeting glimpse of happiness was gone I was struck with a wave of neutrality. Still, I feel like I haven't really laughed with my whole heart. Or even smiled just because I could. I used to smile at everything. I carried myself with such a happy-go-lucky rhythm and now I feel like I cut and slice every aspect of life into two categories: what I have to put up and what I can walk away from. That's not how I want to live. I want to laugh. I want to seek laughter. I've been spewing out all this philosophical bullshit about inner peace. Well maybe it really is all crap. Maybe you're effected a lot more by what's happening around you then what's happening inside of you. I don't know. Either way, I'm going to keep trying to find it. Maybe I'll change up my game and start looking outward.
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